So I was thinking about how crappy this day was and how I was going to write about it...
Then I put on my pointe shoes and all my problems went away. And I remember why I dance. And why I love it. Because it makes me forget about everything else that sucks.
The Swarm thing has kind of been making me forget that lately. Because it's not so much about the dancing as how I look and how I act and what I'm wearing and what my skillz are and I'm freaking out about that. It seems like I haven't had much fun lately worrying about this thing. But then I dance and I remember why I want to do it in the first place! Because I love the glitz and the glamour and the dancing but not so much the dieting and the being perfect at everything.
Every time I watch episodes about dieting and see girls crash dieting or starving themselves, I'm like "pfft they are so full of it, they don't have to crash diet like that it's so unhealthy, they have no idea how to properly diet..."
But now I understand. I'm three days away from this tryout and I look like I swallowed a watermellon thanks to my eating out last week/weekend. I was doing sooo good until that. I can't believe my body picked this week to look like this when last week, 2 weeks ago I looked almost perfect. I was there, and then I took five giant steps backwards. Why did I cheat this close to DDay? I should have cheated 2 weeks ago when I had time to fix it.
And now I don't have time. I considered going on a liquid diet for the next three days. I don't know if I can do that. I don't know what TO do. Today I had a Special K bar, easy mac (if Justin Moreneau can eat it every day I figured I could eat it once), and cheese crackers.
That's it. I used to berate girls who did things like this to their bodies.
Now I'm suddenly one of them.
Don't be like me. Please. I am going to go home and have a big glass of V8 juice so that will help, that's an entire serving of fruits and veggies!
I won't even get into the fact that my hip has been bothering me for over a week now and it's made it nearly impossible for me to get into my splits. Oh yeah, I lost my ablity to get down into the splits in one week. And that would be a requirement for a dance team. I've decided I'm just going to go Joe Mauer on this and play through the pain, so to speak.
Also today it rained all day. I can usually handle that, but so many other things kept happening... My mom called and now we have no church. They got in another fight with the pastor (a family friend) and now they're "not friends" anymore and we're leaving the church. Again. (Yes this is not the first time it's happened with them) You're probably wondering (pairing this with my blog post about the wedding we were excluded from) how my parents manage to lose all their friends? Honestly I think they'll be friends again. They just need to get past this. Like I said, it's happened before. But they just have really crappy timing. I mean, it's my dad's birthday on Saturday and they have to pull this crap now? We had to cancel his party because of this. That really makes me mad. I didn't realize it until now...
Then I found out that no one seems to want to come to my Halloween party next Friday. I haven't had any RSVPs (except a few maybes) and then today my best friend (who always co-throws the party with me, this has been going on for years!) tells me she doesn't really feel like coming. She doesn't have a Halloween costume and she doesn't know what she wants to be or spend the money on something so she doesn't really want to go.
Have I mentioned Halloween is one of my favorite holidays? And the only holiday where I get to throw a party? If we didn't already have plans for Saturday, I'd be devistated right now. As it is, I'm pissed. Why bother throwing this party if no one is going to bother to show up? And I doubt that I can force people to give me a yes or no answer by next week. It makes me think of back in the day, when if someone invited you somewhere you said yes right away and were damn grateful and if other plans came up you had to turn them down. Now days everyone says "maybe" just in case something better comes along. And I can't be too angry about that because I've done it myself. I just hate that this is where this culture has gone to. Where is our comittment, people?
Then I found out my gift cards arrived so I can get my laptop from Best Buy. This has a couple issues-- 1. I work every night until Friday so we can't go to the store until then. 2. I can't order it online because I can't have it delivered to my apt. because UPS sucks and they won't leave any packages and they only deliver when I'm at work! 3. I have to special order it because they only hae it online.
And now 4. when I looked it up online, it was gone! In its place were a whole bunch of brand new laptops that you can't even buy--they all say "pre-order." This is because Windows 7 comes out tomorrow and Sony decided to pull all their computers that run Vista to force you to buy Windows 7.
I don't mind buying Windows 7. In fact, I want to. I HATE Vista. It blows. I've heard wonderful things about Windows 7. However I didn't know when this was supposed to be released! 2 months from now?
So the bright spot in my day was that I called Best Buy and they explained to me that I could buy it online, with gift cards, exaclty what I wanted, have it delivered to work so I'd actually be there! And Windows 7 comes out tomorrow! So things weren't so bad at all. I'm ordering my laptop tonight. I hope that it's not already on backorder... But I will wait patiently. It's been over a year since my old laptop died and I've waited this long to be without it, so what's a few more days or weeks? I really hope it comes soon though. Next week would be good!
Then I found out a bunch of letters didn't get into one of my papers, and I still have to finish my Halloween costume and my extra stuff for Swarm and figure out what else I'm supposed to do for the Swarm because the communication has sucked on their end! And Ross's work laptop died and his fish died and I can't think straight about half the things I'm supposed to do and Hope is lonely because we're never home and...my other boss wants to talk to me about something and I'm convinced I'm in trouble because at my other job "let's talk" always means you should be fired! even though I have no idea what I did wrong. And it's been driving me crazy...
The list goes on. I can't actually remember more right now, but that's a good thing. I choose not to.
Until tomorrow...
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